Monday 16 March 2015

Boring life

I feel like my life is so boring. I think I'm in a rut, because in the grand scheme of things, i don't have a bad life, nor do i hate my life. It is just very boring and seems to drag on.
I go to school, work, and go to the gym/run. My favourite part of the day is when I'm eating and also when I'm watching tv. i guess thats how my binge eating started. I love the feeling of stuffing my face and being so full that i finally feel complete because i can't physically eat anymore.
I feel like i need a hobby I'm passionate at, or a new job that i love. Just something that i can look forward to.
Ive also been spending a lot more money lately and i did this in the summer as well. When food wasn't fulfilling me enough or when i was trying not to binge, i turned to spending a lot of money.

I have a bf, we have been dating for 4 months now, its a really boring relationship and we usually hangout once a week since I'm usually busy, or because i want to just watch tv and stay home, and even when we have plans to hangout, i care less whether we actually hangout or not.

I have 1 best friend from high school, but now we hangout about once a month, at first we use to make sure we hangout at least once every 2 weeks but it was completely forced, and we only did it since neither one of us wanted to admit we were losing our friendship. But now we realize that we both don't really enjoy hanging out anymore because we have nothing to talk about or nothing really to do or say.
My other 2 friends in university are both very busy and so we hardly see each other. Maybe once a month if that..

I love my family, and i love my dogs, but other than that, i feel like i have nothing.
I am partly vegan, i say partly because i can't commit to it 100% with my binge eating ( when i binge i usually eat ice cream and chocolate and baking, which has eggs, milk, and butter in it), but other than that, i am 80% vegan. So i have that passion. I wish i could be 100% because having strong ethical feelings toward being a vegan but not eating that way 100% of the time, conflicts your values, and makes me feel uneasy and bad.
I want to join this vegan meetup dinner thing we have in our city but i am super nervous to go since i have no one to go with. I know that once i go, i would have fun and meet new ppl who could maybe encouarge me to go 100% vegan. ..

I really hope i have the courage to go this saturday. I keep telling myself that "before you die, you will only regret the things you didn't do, not the things you did to"

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